I am working on getting back on track, but it is hard. I feel somewhat guilty for 'getting back to normal' because I know it will be a long long time before my friend will ever feel normal. I am a little suprised at how much this is affecting me. I have experienced loss before, but I suppose this may have been the closest to home. I have known Ryan for as long as I have known Wes and my BF and Ryan have been together just as long as Wes and I have. Every time I see a picture of Ryan, or think about him, I get upset. I cannot begin to imagine how my friend is feeling, since it is so much harder for her to avoid those reminders when they are every where she is. My anxiety has been getting worse and I am thinking I may have to go and get a refill for some Ativan. I have not had to take those in months and months, but I took one prior to the funeral on Friday. Granted, I was reading the eulogy. I have been avoiding taking more since then, but seeing as I will be traveling alone with Tay in a few days, I am concerned I may need some. I don't want to be stuck away from home and end up having a major anxiety attack.
I weighed myself this morning..... not impressed. I suppose I should have expected it, considering all the crap I have been eating and alcohol I have been drinking. I am up 3.5 lbs since my last weigh in, which was 2 weeks ago. Most likely it is just water/bloat, and will likely drop again once I start eating better. I did get to the gym yesterday, and had a good workout. I am going to try to get there at lunch today to do some cardio, but I will have to see how my work load is. Until then, here is my workout from yesterday....
Workout
Warm Up: Glute activation and hip mobility stuff
RDL 95/105/115/125/135lbs x 5
Leg Press 270 lbs x 8 x 3
Split Squat 75lbs x 12 x 2
Cable Cross Chop 15/20 lbs x 15
I finally got groceries, and had a chance to cook up a bunch of chicken last night. 2 o'clock in the morning I was woken up to the smell of my chicken cooking in the crockpot.
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